Are you shy?
Thursday 9 August 2007
If you’re shy it can be a constant struggle just chatting to people. Where does shyness come from and how can we deal with it?
What is shyness?
Shyness is when you feel uncomfortable in situations where you have to interact with other people. One encyclopedia calls it a form of ‘self focus.
If you are shy, do you find that your heart beats faster and you become tenser in a situation where you may have to interact with people? Scientists think that the brains of shy people behave differently in social situations compared with the brains of confident people, and that’s what causes this reaction.
Why we are shy
Did you know that children in Western societies are less likely to be shy than in Eastern ones like Japan or Taiwan? Western culture encourages children to be individual and to express themselves and this means that as children grow up the likelihood of being shy is less.
Experts think that shyness develops in childhood and depends very much on your family life.
Other factors than can make you shy at a young age are bullying, domineering siblings, overprotective parents or a stressful situation like experience a family divorce or death.
Also, people close to you labeling you as shy from an early age can also cause you to grown up believing it to be true!
However this does not mean a shy person will be shy for ever. With the right attitude, shy people very often bloom in later life.
Types of shyness
An American scientist researching shyness, has suggested that if you know what type of shy person you are then it can help you over come it.
Publicly shy people are those that worry about how they will cope in social situations and are sacred to say or do too much in case they do the ‘wrong’ thing. Sometimes it may mean saying nothing at all!
Privately shy people are those that you can’t tell are shy on the outside but on the inside they may be feeling really tense and worried.
Socially anxious shy people are those who go inwards and obsess about things internally like what they are wearing or how they look, which may often never be right, to them!
Want to be less shy?
Do you feel like a shy person? Here are a few tips to help you overcome shyness.
• If you find yourself reacting shyly in a situation, holding your breath for 2 or 3 seconds and then letting go gives your body time to calm down.
• Chat small talk with strangers that are not going to make you feel anxious too much like at the local shop, this is good practice for more difficult situations.
• Practice chatting to people you know really well like your family
• Instead of singing into your hairbrush, imagine yourself in a social situation and try talking in the mirror!
• Remember that there’s nothing wrong with you – everyone is different and individual, don’t assume people find you boring. It is very rarely the case.
• Remember that if you don’t get on with someone you shouldn’t take it personally – it’s impossible to get on with everyone!
• Push your boundaries if you can – try going out somewhere you would usually avoid just for short periods of time and if possible take a friend. If you do this often, those situations will seem less and less scary.
• Going to places you do feel comfortable in is also a good way of feeling comfortable with yourself.
If you are shy, the worse thing you can do is worry too much. People tend to gain confidence with age and if you put some of these steps into practice now, chances are you will bloom into a confident person.
Remember you are not alone! Check the links on this page for websites that could help you.
