Coming out
Friday 5 August 2005
Coming to terms with your sexuality can be difficult.
You may be worried about people's reactions, or hoping that the feelings will just go away so that you can 'fit in'. Some people decide to let people know about their sexuality, this is called 'coming out'.
Confide in someone
If you decide that you do need to tell somebody that you're gay, try and confide in someone who you can trust and who you reckon will be the most supportive and understanding. You never know, they might have already guessed about your sexuality.
Think positive
Coming out can be a very nerve-wracking but in some ways also a very positive experience. The scariest thing can be not knowing how people will react. Try not to rush it, talk as naturally as you can and try and keep calm.
Be prepared
The person you're telling might be curious and may want to ask you lots of questions. Be prepared for this and answer as truthfully as you can, but only answer questions that you're comfortable with answering. If you really don't feel like talking to somebody you know about it just yet, there are many organisations like help lines and support groups that can give you help and advice.
Opening up
Telling your parents may be difficult; they may have had their suspicions all along or the news could be a total surprise to them. Some people are frightened by what they don't understand. Reassure them that you're still the same person underneath it all. If you don't think you can face telling them, try writing them a letter. It might be easier to say how you feel without being interrupted.
If you think your family might not be supportive, wait until you are a little less dependent on them before you come out. You know your family better than anyone, so don't feel under any pressure to tell them from friends or other relatives in the know. Remember, though, that if you've told someone else before hand, your parents might hear the news before you tell them.
Anger-free
Try not to blurt about the fact that you're gay during a row. Telling people calmly and without all the anger and high emotion that can accompany an argument will put a more positive spin on the fact that you're gay. If you announce that you're gay in haste or in anger, people might always associate the fact that you're gay with confrontation and upset.
Saying you're gay during a row also makes it harder for you to control the situation, as people's reactions can be more unpredictable in the midst of an argument
Comfortable with being yourself
It's important to take your time and feel comfortable about your sexuality; don't feel that you have to come out if you don't want to do it. If you're happy with people not knowing about your sexuality, it's no big deal.
Eventually, however, you might find that you start a relationship with someone special, who you'd like to introduce to friends and family. That could be a time when you start to think about coming out.
Are you gay? Have you come out, or are you planning to? If you'd like to share your story with other n2k readers, fill in a few details on our contact form and have your voice heard. You don't have to use your real name if you'd rather remain anonymous.
