Coping with cheating
Monday 22 March 2010
Are you dealing with cheating? Don't do anything drastic! Here’s some advice on how to cope.
I’ve been cheated on
Finding out that your other half cheated on you is a painful experience – especially if you didn’t see it coming. Don’t fret though, there are loads of ways to survive heartbreak.
Coming to terms with it
A good way to come to terms with cheating is to understand why it happened in the first place. A recent study showed that some of the main reasons for being unfaithful were fear of commitment, lack of communication and intimacy, and insecurity.
Have a good heart to heart with your other half and try to get to the bottom of the problem. This could be the conversation that saves your relationship. Be honest and stay calm, and don’t let your emotions get the better of you.
If however, you can’t face them just yet then turn to your friends. Ask them for their opinions – did they spot any problem signs that you missed?
Feelings and emotions
You may find it hard to get a grip of your feelings right now. It’s completely normal to feel angry, empty and betrayed, and still miss your other half all at the same time.
Take a breather from it all. Hang out with your friends and family, finish off your coursework, play some games or read a book. Keep yourself busy. Sitting around and moping will get you nowhere.
Getting your own back
Nothing may be more tempting than getting your own back - embarrassing your other half in front of the entire school or finding a rebound might be at the top of your list.
Be smart though. These acts may make you feel better for a while, but they won’t heal you inside. The best payback is to return to your normal self, to what your other half finds attractive. This may make them realise what they could lose.
Gossips
Unfortunately, news like this usually spreads fast. Don't pay any attention to the odd looks and whispers. Some people will do it just to get a reaction out of you - don’t rise to the bait! One good thing about gossip is that it doesn’t last. Eventually people get bored of the same old story.
I’ve cheated on someone
Around 55 per cent of boys and 45 per cent of girls have admitted to cheating on their girlfriend or boyfriend. Do you fall in to this bracket?
Hard to say sorry
No matter what your reasons were for cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend, they definitely deserve an apology.
If they head for the hills every time you try to speak to them, try a different approach. How about sending them a text, voicemail or email? If you don’t hear from them at least you know you tried.
‘It’s not you…’
Heard of the phrase ‘It’s not you, it’s me’? If you can’t figure out why you cheated then this saying might apply to you. It could mean that you have your own personal issues that you need to sort out.
Try to solve your problems before you do anything else. Ask yourself what you thought you would gain from cheating and whether you think there’s still hope for you and your other half. If you dive head first in to your next move you may make the same mistake all over again.
A bit of consideration
Pay some consideration to your other half's feelings. If you know that you made a big mistake then you’re probably eager to prove your worth, but they might not be ready to hear it.
Respect their wishes and give them time if they need it. If you push too hard for their affection you could lose them altogether. If you still haven't had any luck after a few attempts then you may have to face the fact that you won’t be getting another chance.
Back to the start
Cheating doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship. Some couples become stronger than ever because they learnt from their mistakes. If the both of you decide to give it one more chance then you may have to start from the beginning.
Break up, handle it
Not all relationships work out. If either of you think it’s time to throw in the towel then do it amicably. Be completely honest with each other and take it a step at a time. You may end up better friends this way.
