Sorting out tiffs
Thursday 22 October 2009
Tiffs don’t necessarily have to spell the end of a relationship. Sometimes a lot of good can come out of them.
The good argument
Relationships are hardly ever squeaky clean, rosy and without the odd spat once in a while. In fact, tiffs are a normal and healthy part of a relationship.
Unfortunately though, they can sometimes get a little out of hand. In the heat of an argument it’s easy to raise your voice and say some things you don’t mean. Then all of a sudden a minor tiff turns into a slagging match!
Post argument
Try not to go for another round as soon as one argument finishes. If you feel like you could cut the tension with a knife then it’s probably best to give yourself and your girlfriend or boyfriend some time out.
Take as much time as you need. Whether it’s an hour, a day or a week. It’s up to you to decide how long to wait before you try to patch things up again.
In the meantime think things over. What were you fighting over? Were you being reasonable? Did the argument solve anything? Also think about what you want to do next. When you’re ready to talk then pick up the phone and give them a bell. Don’t play waiting games or it could last forever.
Talking things through
Stay calm
When you meet up try not to rip each other’s throat off. Nothing will be solved if both of you keep screaming at each other. Even though the last thing you probably want to do is be nice, being mean and cold will probably make things 10 times worse. Remember, it’s all about staying cool.
Pick a place that’s quiet so that you can talk in peace. This means without the hassle of friends or randoms eavesdropping or butting in - so you can rule out the common room, canteen or library. What about a café? It’s public but chilled and quiet enough so that you won’t be tempted to raise your voice.
Two sides to every story
No matter who is right or wrong, both of you deserve to tell your side of the story.
Let one of you do the talking first, and then the other. Try your hardest not to interrupt – bite your tongue if you have to!
What’s the problem?
Getting to the bottom of an argument can be a toughie. Tiffs can sometimes come out of nowhere which usually means that there’s an underlying problem in the relationship. Is there something about your boyfriend or girlfriend that bothers you? Do they have annoying habits? You need to find out the real issue otherwise you'll just keep bickering.
Once you know what the problem is, talk about it. Say it how it is and just be honest. Remember though, there’s a difference between being honest and being mean. Brush the petty comments aside.
It’s all about comprise
Most arguments can be solved with compromise. If something bothers you from now on then talk about it. Don’t leave it to boil and then explode out of nowhere. Remember, no-one's a mind reader.
Likewise, if you know you’re to blame then suck it up and apologise. Admit that you made a mistake. It's the first step to not doing it again.
Tell them what you want to happen next. You’ll both have to compromise a little to make it work so it’s up to you to put in the extra effort!
