Family life: the basics
Thursday 1 January 2004
Most people at some point experience arguments and disagreements within the family and many view this as part of growing up.
Sibling trouble
Tension between brothers and sisters is quite common among families. It's quite normal for arguments to kick off over the simplest of things. While growing up, people can become very protective of their own private space in the family house and going into another brother or sister's bedroom can sometimes cause all hell to break loose.
Falling out with parents
It's almost a tradition that young people don't always see eye to eye with their parents or carers. Like with brothers and sisters, many arguments with parents can start because of disagreements over territory in the house, like needing to be alone sometimes. Rows also happen when people in families get cross over who should do which and how many of the household tasks, or looking after younger siblings.
But tensions can also arise when children in the family begin to become more independent from their parents. Having cared for their children for many years, parents can suddenly find that their children go out unannounced to socialise with friends they might not even know. Understandably, this can be a bit of shock.
People that live with one parent can also sometimes argue with the parent they don't live with. Sometimes people can resent the absent parent because they felt that they 'abandoned' them or ran away from their child.
If arguments with your parents, carers or family are getting you down, tell them. If you explain that you are not happy that the family is not getting on, they should at least listen to you. Sometimes the argument is over rules and discipline. Do think about why these rules are there in the first place, and then try to negotiate with your parents to give you more freedoms by showing that you act responsibly and that they can trust you. If that doesn't work, try talking to a grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin, or a good friend about it. Your friend might be in the same situation as you and be able to give you advice.
Some schools run peer support or mentoring schemes, which encourage pupils to support one another.
Domestic violence
Although arguing with parents or carers is something a lot of us take for granted, family life can become a source of real distress and misery for some people.
No matter how much they try to compromise with their parents, young people can sometimes suffer from violence or physical abuse.
If you feel your situation at home is becoming too stressful and you don't know what to do, try to talk it over with a friend, or with an adult that you trust, such as a teacher. However some adults, including teachers, may have to pass on information to the police or social services if they are concerned about your safety. You can always get in touch with an organisation which offers confidential advice and support.
To speak to someone in confidence about your situation or just find out how you can get on better with your parents, click on the links we've provided.
