The other parent
Monday 23 November 2009
According to a recent report, one in three teens lose contact with a parent after a divorce or split. Take a look at these tips to help you keep that bond strong.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work out
Figures show that a quarter of teens in the UK are part of separated families. Unfortunately it’s a sad part of life that some relationships don't work out. Sometimes people grow apart and break up, and this goes for parents too.
Just because your parents have split up doesn't mean it has to affect your individual relationships with either of them. A split or a divorce is a huge life changing move, but you can’t let it jeopardise your bond with your folks, especially the one that you no longer live with.
No blame game
As much as the divorce hurt you, try not to spend time playing the separation-blame-game. Instead, focus on having quality time with each of your parents and learn to move on. You don't have to play happy families, but eventually you'll have to accept that change has happened.
Listen to what these young people had to say about their parent's divorce. Many of them found that it helped improve their life.
No more time wasting
When you're able to see your mum or dad then try to make the most of the time you have and give them your full attention. Spend time doing things you both love like playing sports, going shopping or watching a movie. You could also stay in with a home cooked meal and an episode or two of Top Gear or X Factor. Check out more ideas to make homelife with your parent easier.
If you’re one of the lucky ones whose parents didn’t end things on a bad note then why don’t you spend time with both of them together? Just because they’ve split up doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. However, don’t do this with secret hopes of getting them back together. They split up for a reason and are probably better off apart.
Create a routine
Try to take part in a regular activity that helps you rebuild your relationship with your parent. This could be anything from signing up to a weekly course together, playing a game or going on shopping trips. At least once a week try to do something that helps the two of you communicate and make contact.
Stay connected
It may be difficult to get used to that fact that one of your parents isn't around very much, but there are many ways you can stay connected to them.
Write them emails or letters, or simply pick up the phone and have a chat. You could also persuade them to sign up to Facebook, Bebo, MySpace or Twitter. This way you’ll be constantly updated.
Be honest
Sometimes it can be difficult to know how you feel during a split or divorce. Try to be honest with yourself and your mum and dad about how you feel the relationship between you is progressing.
You’re likely to be going through a lot of emotions, from loneliness to sadness and everything in between. Open up to your parent and let them help you feel better.
Accept change
Accepting your parents’ divorce may be one of the hardest things you'll have to do. There’s no point brushing it aside or hoping that everything will work out in the end. You have to face it head on.
Try to be understanding of your parent’s new life. Make sure you’re involved and try to be genuinely interested. Ask them what’s new, whether they’ve met anyone else and how work is going. They need to move on just like you, and you’ll help secure your bond with them by being okay with that.
If you find it too difficult to accept then let your parents know how you really feel. Don’t let it build up inside or it could get worse. However, if you’re not ready to talk to one of your parents then visit It’s Not Your Fault for details on organisations that can provide advice and help on divorce.
