Losing a relative
Friday 26 January 2007
Losing a relative can be one of the hardest things a person can go through. Lauren, 18, tells us how it felt to lose her mother to cancer at the age of 13.
Upset
Mum had always been a heavy smoker and we used to joke about it in the family. One day Mum started to look really worried and upset but wouldn't say what was wrong and Dad was pretty much the same. This went on for a while.
Confused
I can't remember the exact day they told us that Mum had cancer but I do remember feeling very confused and not really understanding. I was 12 and although I'd heard of cancer and knew that it could be really bad, it never really occurred to me that it could affect anyone I cared about.
Coping
Mum had an operation but the cancer was much more serious than had first been suspected. Mum and Dad told us that the cancer was very serious and that Mum was going to get really ill, but that she would be OK. This made me feel a bit better, believe it or not. I could cope with Mum being really poorly as long as she would be OK at the end of it.
While Mum was ill and in the hospital it was so depressing. The house seemed so cold but it was the height of summer and I felt I couldn't laugh about anything.
Gone
One day, a couple of days after my birthday, I got home from school and Dad was crying. Mum was gone, dead. I found out later that they'd known for a couple of weeks that it was possibly going to happen but hadn't known how to tell us and didn't want to ruin my special day.
My little sister was only 9 and was devastated. I tried to keep calm because I knew that's what Mum would want me to do. I felt bad that Mum couldn't tell me she was leaving us because of my stupid birthday.
Scream
In the weeks after the funeral I felt as if a light had been switched off inside me. Lots of people came round, relatives I'd never even seen before, and although people were being friendly, I wanted to scream and tell them to get out. I thought I was going to go mad.
Counselling
Dad was heartbroken and I knew I had to look after him. I talked to my teacher who was very understanding and suggested bereavement counselling to Dad. I was really surprised when he agreed.
We went as a family and talked about all the good things about Mum and what we could do to try and live our lives now she had gone. It certainly didn't fix everything but I think it helped my little sister, who liked to think of Mum as an angel.
Survive
Mum's been gone for over five years now but it seems like only yesterday she was smiling at something in the paper or having a go at me for not brining down my dirty clothes. I've learned to survive by being open about my feelings and also being strong for my little sister.
I've tried to be like my Mum would have wanted me to be and while she might not have agreed with some of the choices I've made, I know that she would have accepted I have to live my own life without her.
Never forget
I thought I would never get over it and although you never forget the pain of being without them, looking to the future is a good way of dealing with it.
Get some help
If you've lost someone close to you then don't live in silence - there are loads of places you can go for help. RD4U helps you find your own route to overcome the pain that comes with bereavement. You can also visit Direct Gov's site on coping with death. Here you'll find some things you can do to express your feelings.
