Coping with death: the basics
Monday 18 April 2005
Losing a loved one, friend or family member can be a very difficult time, but it's important not to bottle up your feelings because it can lead onto other problems in the future. As well as the initial feeling of shock, reactions and feelings can include:
- Numbness - initially, it can be hard for someone's death to fully sink in.
- Disbelief - people sometimes cannot believe that someone has died and that they won't ever be coming back.
- Pain - as well as experiencing emotional pain, people can be physically affected by bereavement. This can include a sickly feeling in your stomach. You might lose your appetite.
- Guilt - this can happen if someone has had an argument with the person or there was bad feelings before they passed away.
- Anger - this is a normal response to bereavement, as a death can sometimes have no explanation.
- Relief - despite their sense of loss, this can sometimes be felt by people who have lost someone after a great deal of suffering.
Just when you think you're beginning to cope with your loss, attending a funeral can stir up all of your feelings again.
All funerals are different and can involve a service in a church, a cremation or a burial. A funeral gives everyone the opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one or close friend.
People sometimes hold a gathering after a funeral, where they 'celebrate' the life of the person that has passed away, where they think about all the happy memories and times in a person's life. This can sometimes help the healing process.
Whether or not you go to any of these is up to you. It's always a good idea to talk about this kind of thing with your family. Some of your friends might have been to a funeral, so try talking things through with them.
The grieving process itself can take a long time and everyone comes to terms with bereavement differently. During the grieving process, it's important to get support from your friends and family or guardian. That support could involve talking about the memory of the person that has passed away or it could just mean that someone is in the same room as you, checking that you're ok.
If you're finding it difficult to cope at school, college or work after someone's death, try explaining the situation to your teacher, lecturer or your employer. Should the problem get worse, it might be an idea to talk things through with a counsellor or even your GP.
To read about some of the feelings people normally experience after a bereavement or find out how people try to cope, click on our list of links.
