Bullying: the basics
Thursday 1 January 2004
It's a sad part of human nature, but it seems there will always be people who pick on or tease those in a lesser position to fight back.
At school, in the workplace and even at home, bullying can happen everywhere and it's important to try and understand what can be a very painful experience, both physically and mentally.
Bullying thrives on silence; those who are being bullied often feel there is nothing to be gained by speaking out against the person who is doing the bullying, therefore allowing the bullying to continue.
Bullying at school
Bullying is a broad term that covers many things. Bullying is not just a physical thing; name-calling and teasing can be just as hard to deal with as violence.
If you think you're being bullied, there are things you can do. Trying to ignore bullying doesn't always work, but sometimes the people who bully others get bored if you ignore their teasing.
You should tell someone that you trust, such as a teacher or friend. Talking about your problems can help, and the person you tell may have an idea on how you can get the bullying to stop. People who have been bullied often think they've done something wrong, but it's the person who is doing the bullying that has the problem.
If you try and note down instances of when you're being bullied, it can help you when you talk to someone about your situation. Take down details such as when and where you were bullied, what was said or done and who was doing it.
Bullying at work
Being bullied at work can be just as difficult to deal with as at school. Although rarely physical, bullying through criticising someone's social background or the way they do their job can affect a person's feeling of self-worth.
If there's someone at your job giving you a hard time, it's very important to keep a note of every incident. Get as many details as you can. Try and remember specific conversations, and if possible try and find a witness to what's been happening, or perhaps someone who has also suffered at the hands of someone who bullies others.
You should speak to your supervisor or manager about the bullying. If your manager is the problem, then make discreet enquiries to find out the name of their superior, or whether there is a grievance procedure. Try to stay calm and remain professional, don't retaliate or take part in arguments in the office. It will only harm your case if you do have to take the matter further.
Bullying online or by mobile phone
If you have a mobile phone, you can also be a target for those who bully. Whether it's people ringing you and screaming abuse, or saying nothing at all, or sending threatening texts, it can be upsetting.
You can avoid this by only giving out your mobile number to close friends, but if someone has got your number and is harassing you, they could be breaking the law. When you receive a nasty call or text, try to stay calm and do not retaliate.
The person doing the bullying may get bored if they don't get a reaction. If it persists, you should tell someone you trust, or even contact the police.
Keep a record of the number calling you and the times you were called or texted. Even if the person who is doing the bullying withholds their number, there are ways for mobile phone companies to trace the caller.
If someone is sending you abusive emails, get in touch with your email provider. There should be a section on their website that tells you how to report abuse. It's easy to trace who is sending you the emails and your email provider might take the decision to block their accounts.
Change your email address and only give it out to close friends and people you can trust.
If you're being targeted in a chatroom or messageboard, contact the company that hosts the chatroom for assistance. There's usually a provision in a website's terms and conditions that means anyone who posts nasty things about someone is breaking the rules. The person doing the bullying may have their account blocked.
Try not to give out your email address online. Most messageboards have a private message function that avoids this. If you're getting messages that you're not comfortable with, tell someone. Remember, people you speak to online may not be telling the truth about themselves; they may pretend to be certain age or gender, but could be someone else entirely.
Bullying at home
Brothers and sisters tend to argue a lot, and if your sibling is giving you a hard time, it can really make your life a misery. You should tell your parent or carer as soon as you can to make sure the bullying stops.
Try and stand up to them. If you show you're not afraid, they might get bored. Don't use violence, however, two wrongs don't make a right and it will be hard for you to argue your case if you stoop to their level.
If you're being bullied by a parent, step-parent or carer, Connexions Direct can give you advice on what to do. You may also want to give ChildLine a call on 0800 1111. They've got trained advisors who can help you.
I bully others
Maybe you're seeing things from the other side. Are you the one who is doing the bullying? Try and think about why you're behaving that way. Are you having problems in some area of you life that means you're taking it out on others?
Regardless of looks, personality, race, social background or sexual orientation, everybody has the right to live their life hassle-free. Try and put yourself in your target's position; how would you feel if you were on the receiving end?
You should talk to someone you trust to see how you can express what's going on in other ways, before things go too far and a complaint is made against you.
There are lots of organisations that can help you with information on how to deal with people who bully. They can also help if you're bullying others. Our list of links will point you in the right direction.
