Get over your ex for good
Friday 21 April 2006
When relationships end, you can feel a mixture of emotions. You may be wondering how you'll ever be able to move on.
We take a look at some of the common obstacles to getting over it for good and ways in which you might be able to overcome them.
I still love my ex
If you still love your ex but there's no chance of you ever getting back together, you will have to learn to deal with your feelings and move on.
For a time just after the split, you'll be feeling raw and vulnerable but, even though you mightn't believe it, the feelings lose strength over time and you start to get over it. Love isn't an emotion that can be switched off, but it does fade after a time.
One good way of dealing with this is to throw yourself into a hobby or project that keeps you occupied. While you shouldn't ignore the way you feel, keeping busy will help you return to normality quicker than just moping around would.
I don't like seeing them with someone else
One of the hardest things about a break-up is that eventually one of you is going to find someone else. When you see your ex with their new squeeze and you haven't quite moved on, it can stir up a lot of feelings you thought were in the past.
One thing you shouldn't do is lock yourself away at home in case you bump into them, but a good idea might be to try and find out in advance if they're going to be where you're at and prepare yourself.
A good way of getting some closure might be talking to your ex and agreeing to stay out of each other's faces for a while. Either that or you could brave it out and try and be friends with your ex and the new partner. It's different for everyone, but you'll soon realise which method is best for you.
I want to get my revenge
If the break-up was a bad one, it can be tempting to want to make your ex feel just as bad as you do. Plotting revenge, however, just means that you're still thinking about nothing but the break-up and not dealing with your feelings and getting on with your life.
Even if your ex was to blame for the break-up, you need to let go. Concentrate on putting yourself back on track, not getting back at your ex.
Have a great time, hang out with mates and show your ex and, most importantly, yourself just how much of a sorted person you are without them; act as if they did you a favour.
I don't want anybody else
It might seem right now that you'll never meet anybody else, but it won't feel like that for ever.
Why not take some time to enjoy being single? Do all the things you didn't do because you were part of a couple: go where you like; see what movies you want; listen to your kind of music.
Before you can find someone else, you've got to be truly happy with yourself.
I feel guilty for ending it
Maybe you were the one doing the breaking up, but your ex is still very much in your life. Maybe you worry about them or always seem to be bailing them out because you feel guilty about ending the relationship.
While nobody is suggesting that you cut all ties with your ex for ever, you and your ex both have to understand that it's even harder to get any kind of closure when one person is relying on the other.
Encourage your ex to make new friends and still be there when you can but try and make it clear that you need to make your own way now.
You may have to be firm to get your point across, but if you set boundaries early on, your post-split relationship with your ex might be all the better for it.
