You're not alone
Wednesday 16 March 2005
It's a sad fact that some relationships end, and when it's your parents who are splitting up, it can be a difficult time for everyone.
If you are worried that your parents are splitting up NCH's web site It's Not Your Fault is there to help you understand and feel a bit better. Here's what they say about coping when your parents split up.
Remember it's not your fault
If your parents are splitting up or getting a divorce it's because they don't want to be with each other any more. Perhaps they don't love each other any more or don't get on like they used to. People change and don't want the same things as they did before. The fact that your parents are breaking up isn't a reflection on you, or anything you've done.
Remember you're not alone
Statistics from the children's charity NCH show that one in four children has parents who have split up and are now separated or divorced. If your parents aren't together, it's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
Reasons to be cheerful
If being together makes your parents unhappy, think how much happier they might be once they have broken up. You may be feeling low now, but it doesn't mean that you're always going to feel this way. Try and think of a big change in your life that's happened before. Do you feel the same way now as you did then?
Talk things over
You're probably feeling a variety of feelings right now and one way of feeling better is to talk things through with somebody. It doesn't matter who you choose; grandparents, friends, teachers, as long as it is somebody you trust. Try not to be embarrassed; the person you choose to talk to will probably be glad that you have chosen them. If talking about things in the open isn't something you're comfortable with, why not try keeping a diary of your thoughts about what's going on? Many people say that writing all your feelings down can be therapeutic.
What happens next?
If your parents have decided to separate, they won't be living together any more. Between them, they will work out where you should continue living, and when you should see the parents that you don't live with. If your parents cannot agree, a decision will be made for them, but your wishes and views will be considered.
Even thought they live apart, your parents are still responsible for you. Your mum and dad should be able to talk to each other about things to do with you. If that's hard, they can get help from a mediator to make it easier to sort things out in the best way for you.
If one of your parents begins a new relationship, you're likely to feel funny about it. You might feel a little jealous. It's perfectly normal to feel this way at first. Try and keep an open mind when meeting your parents' new partners. You might find that you actually come to like them.
It's Not Your Fault has lots more information and advice, as well as great links to other organisations and real-life stories from other young people who have experienced their parents' separation.
