Break up, handle it
Friday 31 October 2008
Just broken up with someone? Is the break up not going quite like you imagined? n2k runs through ideas of what could help when things get a little messy between you and your ex.
Already moved on?
So you haven’t been apart for more than a day and your ex has already found someone else - so harsh!
The only thing you can do in this situation is keep your head up high - nothing is worse than a big scene.
Your ex is may be on the rebound or, may actually be with someone they really like – either way, it really is none of your business now.
If you really feel like you need to talk to them about their new other (and this is the last resort), make sure it’s a mature conversation and make it clear that you are not jealous, but you just want to clear up how you feel.
The aftermath
So finally the break up is over and done with and you can move on – wrong! Suddenly you find out things about the relationship or about your ex that you didn’t know.
Whatever you find out – even if it’s the worst possible news, like he or she cheated on you, the advice first and foremost is simple – take a deep breath and try to be calm about everything.
Remember that the relationship finished because it wasn’t working, so knowing this stuff really doesn’t make much difference. In fact it just confirms what you already knew.
If you feel really hurt or disappointed after finding out new information, a face to face talk - not an argument, might be good to clear the air and find out the facts from the horse’s mouth.
Sometimes what you learn is so upsetting that it’s probably best to do nothing. In this case you may never want to talk to your ex again – that’s fine too.
However, try to keep your feelings to people you really trust. Stirring up a situation only creates more drama and means that it takes longer to move on. Try to make the break clean by staying super cool. By all means cry on your best friend’s shoulder if you need to but avoid talking to too many people. People like to talk!
Want you back
Wow, you’ve never received so many calls and texts in one day. Or email’s either. Sometimes your ex doesn’t realise what they want until it’s gone and they refuse to leave you alone.
They’ll send you messages like, ‘I need you,’ or, ‘We can make it work.’ They’ll say all the right things, but at the wrong time – because they should have said it when you were still together.
You might even like these messages and feel comfort that your ex needs you – but don’t fall for it or you could end up getting hurt again.
If your ex really wants to make amends, then they won’t prove it to you through loads of messages but through thoughtful actions.
Take me back
On the other hand you may have been responsible for the break up and they’re trying to win you back! If that’s the case then think carefully about why you broke up in the first place. Has anything changed? Are you just feeling flattered by all the attention? If so try to be strong and stick to your guns.
If there’s a chance it could work again though, perhaps the best thing to do is have a chat. Keep it really casual for a while and just see how it goes.
Friends
Everyone wishes they could be friends with their ex again – but it’s not as easy as that, especially if the break up wasn’t on good terms.
It’s normal for your ex to not want to be your friend, and honestly, this is probably the best thing for both of you, at least at first - it’s all about space.
Time heals everything and if you’re meant to be friends again, then you will be. For now just concentrate on moving on and feeling good again.
