Surviving heartbreak
Monday 2 July 2007
Just been chucked and feeling down? Don’t worry you are not alone. Everyone goes through a break up at least once in their lives. So how do you deal with that horrible sinking feeling? n2k has some top tips.
The feelings
People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness – the pain can run really deep. In fact if we’re being honest, it totally sucks. Often it’s the feeling of losing a friend or a companion that can hurt the most and make you feel a bit lonely. If can also feel like no one else understands or has been through the pain, but they have!
Better with time
So what can you do to make the pain go away?
It’s an annoying cliché but it really does get better with time. At first it may seem like you will never feel happy again, but you will, and that’s a promise. In time the pain starts to fade and before you know it there’s whole days, then weeks when you don’t think about it at all. In the meantime…
Distraction
Do things! You may not feel like it much but forcing yourself to be busy will take your mind off the sadness. Focus on other activities like exercise, hanging out with friends or even use it as an opportunity to get really into your work.
Cry!
Don’t front, just let it all out and cry. Try to keep it private though, there’s no point in letting the whole world see your pain. If you have a close friend who you trust though, this could be a good time to use their shoulder.
Let your feelings out but don’t get carried away. When you’re done crying and feel a bit better, blow your nose and get on with finding ways to keep busy again.
Try not to get into the habit of crying as that can sometimes make you worse. Only cry if really need to.
Talking
Talking to someone you trust can really help. Talk about what happened and the way you feel. Talking is an excellent way to cleanse your soul and ease your mind.
A good friend will be there for you. However, like crying it can often make it worse if you talk about it continuously, not to mention bore your friend senseless, no matter how understanding they are. Set yourself a mental deadline of when you’re going to stop talking about it. It could 2 or 3 weeks for a short relationship or months for a longer one, but once you’ve reached the deadline, it’s time to stop.
Music
Music rocks for healing purposes. Get all your favourite tunes together, turn up the volume, dance round your room, sing your heart out, and be silly. No soppy love songs though!
Look forward
Train yourself to stop thinking about the past over and over again. Its ok at first but it can be habit forming and dig you into a rut. Instead, make a list of everything you want to do. It can be anything from starting a new sport, to stopping hobbies you’ve grown out of, to going on holiday, buying a new top or changing your hair.
When you think of your future do not think of anything that has happened as a loss but try to view it as an opportunity for change. Eventually you will be able to think back on this and smile, but for now there’s no point in dwelling on it.
Keep healthy
Keeping a clear mind and looking after your body will help you feel better. Eat healthy foods and treat yourself to things you really like. Also keep your mind healthy by remembering all your good qualities and all the things you have to look forward to, big or small.
You are never alone! If things really get bad remember that there are experts that you can talk to and can help. See the links on this page for people you can chat to.
However in most situations, it’s just a matter of time, so be patient with yourself – you’ll get there.
