Nice rejection
Thursday 14 June 2007
Someone asked you out on a date, but you’re not interested? Being the person that does the rejecting can be a really tricky thing to do. Read the n2k guide on how to do rejection well.
Signals
It can feel really good to be fancied even if you know you are not interested in the other person. Who doesn’t like a bit of attention sometimes? However this is only delaying the agony for the person you will eventually reject and also doesn’t make you look like a very kind person.
It’s important not to lead anyone on and be clear from the start. Don’t give out mixed signals, be honest about how you feel.
Manners
Ok so you don’t fancy them, but that’s not a reason to be rude. When someone you are not interested in approaches you be polite and smile. They may not like you for rejecting them but at least in time they will respect you. Having respect for people shows that you have respect for yourself.
That doesn’t mean you have to spend ages explaining yourself. Being honest and to the point is often much kinder…
Doing the deed
Don’t get someone else to do the rejecting. This can be really insulting for the other person and even more uncomfortable for them.
Try to find somewhere private to have your say. Rejecting someone in front of other people or in a public place can be really embarrassing for the other person.
When you are actually doing the rejection be polite and get to the point quickly. Rambling will only embarrass the other person, and you.
Show that you are flattered by the interest but explain that you just don’t see them that way. Be nice but don’t say things you don’t mean. Don’t say “let’s be friends” if you don’t mean it.
If you tell them you already have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and you don’t, this might backfire on you when they find out the truth.
Do your best to keep eye contact and if possible keep smiling.
Reaction
You’ve done the best you can but the person you are rejecting is not too happy. They may start getting angry or calling you names or back tracking on their proposition. If you get a bad reaction, don’t take it personally.
People have many different ways of dealing with rejection. Chances are that they are not angry with you but just feel awkward.
Emotional
Some people can’t take no for an answer and may try to get you to change your mind. Don’t do it! The last thing you want is to get yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in, and then spend time trying to get out of it afterwards.
Fall out
The other person may not want to be friends with you, at least at first. Respect their wishes.
Don’t boast to your friends about what happened. Imagine if the situation was reversed. Just be cool, wish the person well in your head and hope that in time the situation will calm down.
Remember one day it is likely to happen to you, so be kind.
If you are already in a couple but are not sure if you want to carry on, the n2k guide on Making A Clean Break could help.
