Healing the pain of self-injury
Wednesday 19 April 2006
For an outsider, self-harm can be difficult to understand.
For people experiencing it first-hand, it can be just as hard to see a way out.
n2k speaks to author Jan Sutton, who gives us an insight into how the scars of self-harm can be more than skin deep.
What do you think makes people want to hurt themselves in this way?
The reasons why people turn to self-injury vary considerably, and rarely is the behaviour down to a single cause. People may turn to self-injury for a variety of factors which may include traumatic experiences, gender identity issues, parents too busy to listen, not feeling heard, being discouraged from expressing emotions, pressure to achieve, exam stress, never feeling good enough, low self-esteem, and copying peers.
Is it true to say that self-harm is more common among girls? Why do you think that is?
Much of the self-injury literature suggests that the behaviour is far more common among teenage girls and women, and my own research supports this theory.
- Self-injury often has its roots in trauma, and more women than men experience traumatic events.
- Self-injury frequently stems from an inability to express emotions, chiefly strong emotions such as anger, frustration, or resentment,
- Women in general find it easier to talk about their problems and feelings than men do, hence when it comes to seeking help they are less resistant to do so than men are.
It's important to recognise that given the right "breeding ground" it can happen to anyone.
What would you say to somebody who was thinking of hurting themselves in this way?
If you are having thoughts about self-injury, I implore you to think before you act, and please ask for help. This is no time to "put on a brave face" and pretend things are fine, or to attempt handling the situation on your own. No person is an island. We all need someone to lean on at difficult times in our lives, and admitting we need help is not something to be ashamed of.
On the contrary, it takes strength and courage to say "No, actually I am not fine, and I need help".
Self-injury merely places a sticking plaster over the deeper issues and it usually increases people's problems rather than eliminating them. So please do your utmost to avoid becoming ensnared in the clutches of self-injury – it can be a long and difficult road back.
How can somebody who has been self-harming for a while stop?
Because self-injury tends to bring instant relief and gratification, once started it generally takes on a life of its own which makes it incredibly difficult to give up.
An absolute must for anyone wanting to stop self-injury is the desire and motivation to stop, and a strong commitment to taking whatever steps are necessary to let go of the behaviour. Whilst admitting that one needs help and reaching out for help does not sit comfortably with many who self-injure, it is a crucial step in the recovery process.
What would you say to somebody who thought their friend was harming themselves?
It is important to resist any temptation to pretend the problem might not exist and remain silent. Ultimately, you may be doing your friend an enormous favour by bringing the subject out in the open, as the sooner the problem is addressed, the greater the chance of nipping self-injury in the bud.
